MEDITATIONS AND MUSSINGS ON THE PROBABLE ALBUM Y:


Option 1: Hanson, Stripped Back.

Production? What production? Anyone not named Isaac, Taylor or Zac is not welcome in the studio. Even hiring a bass player should seem like a bit of an indulgence. (Aside: Given the less than astonishing sales performance of This Time Around, this scenario will assuredly save money, Mr. and Mrs. Island/DefJam!) We want good, gritty, high energy pop songs messily banged out on acoustic guitars and a real, yes children, a real piano. One with actual strings and mallets and wood and stuff. Bare bones harmonies and lots of them.
Think: The Black Crowes unplugged, minus the booze, the drugs and the chicks, plus Ben Folds.
Dream Producer: ::crickets::
Chances of it actually happening: Pretty good. They're halfway there already. All they need to do is clearly post that Steven Lironi Need Not Apply sign.

Option 2: Hanson, The Frou-Frou Drama-Rock Album.

A string section? Heck, hire the whole Los Angeles Philharmonic. We don't want pop songs. We want mini rock opuses with violins, cellos and several varieties of wind instruments. Highly self-indulgent, expensive, glamorous and chock-full of enough glittering melodies to make your head spin. Fluid. Dreamy. Romantic.
Think: The love child of Fiona Apple and Freddy Mercury
Dream Producer: Jon Brion
Chances of it actually happening: Not half bad.

Option 3: Hanson, The Concept Album.

Task 1: Find a viable concept, something to unify the album, even if it doesn't have a straightforward plot line. It need not be lofty. It need not stray far from the source. Think they couldn't do it? Let's try this one on for size: Three wide-eyed, innocent, pale-faced boys from America's heartland are suddenly thrust into the skeezy, shimmering, smoke-and-mirrors universe of the music industry. They rocket suddenly and unexpectedly to the top with one hit single and we watch their struggle to stay there. To keep their dignity. To find themselves. If they don't write it, I might.
Task 2: Write highly personal, intense music that sets a scene, that calls up several melodic themes throughout, and that tells a story.
Think: Sondheim meets Sgt. Pepper.
Dream Producer: Rick Ocaseck, baby.
Chances of it actually happening: Probable. Maybe not in this decade…

Option 4: Hanson, The Sunny, Quirked-out, Hard Candy Pop Album.

Pop music with a jolt. Songs that bounce and fizz and crunch merrily in the speakers, the godchild of Elvis Costello and Paul McCartney. Middle of Nowhere for Grownups, only this time the lyrics are rife with all of the irony and goofiness and weirdness of their experiences since the last time around. Zac sings. A lot.
Think: Owsley
Don't Think: Vertical Horizion
Dream Producer: Adam Schlesinger
Chances of it actually happening: Depends on whether the Moffatts do it first or not.



Option 5: Hanson, the Prog-Rock Album.

Weepy. Dark. Sad Bastard Music. Lots of whiny, creeped out Taylor vocals. Too many ballads to count. Cautious forays into electronica and spirituality here and there.
Think: Ray of Light meets OK Computer, but with better melodies.
Dream Producer: The Dust Brothers
Chances of it actually happening: Are you nuts?

Lose It:
  • Scratching.
  • Message Songs, unless they're willing to tell us what they mean. (Example: "Sure About It? Oh, well we're really not sure what Sure About It is about… ha ha ha…")
  • The Wall o'Sound.
  • Anyone and Everyone who worked on Middle of Nowhere in any way.
  • That sketchy Fenster character.
  • Island/DefJam.
  • The glockenspiel setting on Taylor's keyboards. Wait. Strike that. Just get rid of the keyboards.



Do It:
  • Taylor playing the guitar.
  • Taylor playing the drums.
  • Isaac guitar solos. Long ones. Long screaming ones.
  • Zac singing.
  • Zac singing ballads.
  • Isaac writing a non-weepy song in a major key.
  • A single with an Isaac lead vocal. (Of course, the probability of this may be a direct function of the above…)
  • Separate writing credits.
  • Shannon Curfman guest appearance.
  • Three words: Bridges of Stone.
  • Songs about sex.


Don't You Dare:
  • Guest appearance by anyone in M2M. We'll know exactly how they got there. And it won't be on account of their profuse musical talents.
  • Allow Steven Lironi to produce.
  • Hire anyone with the name "Spank"
  • Get mad when the demos leak. Because they will.
  • Allow Never Let Go to suffer the same fate as Bridges of Stone.
  • Go hiring gospel choirs and then allowing them over-run your entire song until it's musical murk.
  • Allow Island/DefJam to renew the contract for another 16 albums.
  • Keep your pictures off the album cover, and then declare it to the press like it's going to make you more musically credible.
Bottom Line:
And thus the drought begins.