Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a girl named Sally who was totally the most beautiful girl in her high school. She had long blonde hair that she used to brush 100 times each night until it shined a lot. She also had the most beautiful, azure, crystalline, sparkling blue eyes anyone on the planet Earth had ever seen. She was skinny and of course she had nice skin and a rich family, because every 16-year-old in the world does. Did we mention that she's 16? Oh. She is. Anywayz...

One day, she was sitting in her room listening to Eminem and reading Teen People in a light blue tube top and short cutoff jeans that exposed her long, beautiful, perfect legs, when her mom came into the room and was like, "Sally. I totally have something to tell you." And Sally was like, "What do you want mom?" And her mom was like, "Hey. We're moving to Tulsa because it's such a fun place to be." And so Sally was bummed for a while, because she'd have to leave her group of attractive, popular friends to move halfway across the country, "for her Dad's job," whatever that means. Psh.

And so they moved to Tulsa, to a little, unknown dirt road called 77^th street, next to a brown ranch with the name Hanson on the mailbox and a PROPERTY IS PROTECTED BY MAN EATING DOGS sign on the front lawn. She liked her new house and it was cool, but one day when she was trying to make cookies, she realized that they were out of sugar. And Sally was like, "Bummer, I need some sugar. Guess I'll go ask my neighbors for some." So she walked next door and knocked on the front door and this boy answers. And Sally is thinking, Wow, this boy is so hot. He has beautiful, crystalline, azure, sparkling blue eyes and pretty blond hair like me. But he looks kind of familiar. He was wearing skin tight black leather pants and a black sparkly shirt that hugged his body and showed off his big shapely muscles. And the boy was like, "Hi. I'm Taylor Hanson, you know, that famous rock star who wrote Mmmbop. You're beautiful and I'm in love with you." And Sally was like, "What? I just need some sugar." And Taylor looked at her, winked and said, "Exactly." Actually, that's not what he said. What he really said was, "Sure." And she was like, "OK, let's go into your kitchen and get some sugar." And Taylor was like, "Cool."

So then they walked through the house and in the front room was Taylor's little brother Zac who was trying to light the carpet on fire and screaming things like, "DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DRINK A GALON OF CLOROX, YOUR HEAD WILL IMPLODE???!!!" Then they said hi to Taylor's older brother Isaac who was sitting on the window seat writing a love song about a girl he's crushing on who really thinks he's kind of a dork, but he doesn't know, so what's the harm, right? Then they met Taylor's mom who was in the kitchen making cookies for all of her beautiful children. She kept calling Sally "Honey" which Sally thought was kind of annoying, but she figured that maybe being pregnant did that to a person, so she forgave it. The mom, Diana, gave her some sugar and told her that she was beautiful, and that she'd make a lovely daughter-in-law, if she ever wanted the gig, and Sally was like, "Gee thanks, Mrs. Hanson. I'll consider that. Because frankly, your son's a hottie."

So then Sally went home and made her cookies.

Chapter 2

So then like, Sally and Taylor kept seeing each other and they're all thinking, "Wow, he's/she's really nice and awesome and I really want to hook up with him/her. That would be great." So then Sally goes over Taylor's house one afternoon wearing a backless pink tank top and some capris with big chunky sandles that show off her calves thinking, "Wow, I'm so beautiful, how could he ever resist me?" And the thing is, she's totally right, because while Diana and every other person, Isaac included, is out at the mall buying new clothes, Taylor and Sally have sex on his bed where they say words to each other that you learned in your 10^th grade health class. He's sensitive and shy and generally good at it, because, like, what 17 year-old boy isn't, and when it's over he's all like, "Dude, I love you so much Sally. I want to be with you forever, but this dang music career is getting in the way." Sally goes home and cries because Taylor is insensitive.

Then Isaac came home from the mall with his new clothes and he's like, "Taylor, you look like something momentous happened to you while we were at the mall. Want to have a brotherly heart to heart to figure it out?" And Taylor is like, "Yeah, man. Let's do that." So they sat around in the tree house and talked about love and stuff for like an hour and in the end, Taylor learned a lot from Isaac, because even though he may not have had any more experience in love than Taylor, he's very wise and smart for his years.

Then Zac died in a car accident or something, which was kind of sad.

Then one morning, Sally was like, "Hey! I'm going to ask Taylor to our high school dance, so then I can tell him that I love him and he'll love me too and we can get married!" So that afternoon, when she saw Taylor rollerblading down 77^th Street, she sticks her head out her bedroom window and goes, "Hey Taylor! Do you want to come to a high school dance with me, because it's really sad and awful that you don't get to go to those because you're all homeschooled and stuff." And Taylor was like, "Yeah, that'd be cool. Pick you up at seven."

Chapter 3

So on the morning of the high school dance, Sally was really bummed because she was bloated and feeling ugly and realizing that she didn't have like, anything to wear for the dance. So her older, much more sophisticated and hip cousin Rowina came over to give her a whirlwind makeover so that she would be beautiful for Taylor. Rowina brought her make up case and some clothes that made Sally look really girly, because Taylor Hanson likes that kind of stuff and his women seem to always be opposed to it in some way. So Rowina put Sally in a really short, blue, Prada, empire waist dress that accentuated her long perfect legs and her shimmering eyes, and that showed lots of skin, handed her a condom and was like, "Have a good time."

So then Taylor showed up looking hot and they went to the dance.

At the dance, Sally felt kind of uncomfortable with Taylor because nobody knew him, because he's homeschooled, but she danced with him anyway, especially because he kept telling her how "beautiful" and "feminine" and "exquisite" she looked in Rowina's dress. They danced to a Goo Goo Dolls song and halfway through it, Taylor looked at Sally with tears in his crystalline, shimmering eyes and was like, "Sally, I have to go do some famous person stuff, like go on tour with my band, but when I get back, I'm going to love you forever and ever." And Sally was all, "Gee thanks Taylor. Because I love you too." She ran her fingers through his silky, clean-smelling, beautiful blond hair and was like, "I love you." And Taylor was like, "I love you." And then he kissed her with his full, soft, perfect lips, swirling his tongue around with hers, and then they went home and had sex and lived happily ever after and had lots of toe headed children together.

The End