POSSIBLE FUTURES FOR HANSON:

The Madonna Future:

Isaac becomes sexually liberated and writes a book telling us all the fun details. He later repents, becomes friends with Stella McCartney, who not only designs his clothes, but bears him a child as well. (So, not only does the kid have Hanson genes, he's got Beatle genes too.)

Taylor becomes a constant media target and a chameleon, changing his hair color and clothing style every ten or twelve seconds. He converts to Judaism, affects a pseudo British accent and wears mendhi all the time.

Zac stars as Jean ValJean in the film version of the musical Les Miserables. He petitions the director for the part for years, beating out people like Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks and Tom Green. He eventually triumphs, winning the Golden Globe award. He's shut out of an Oscar unfortunately, and becomes friends with Courtney Love as consolation.

The Jackson Future:

Taylor gets sick of continually outshining his brothers and goes solo. He sells a gazillion records, buys a chimp and has all of his assistants dress in fascist garb and call him 'Your Majesty'.

Isaac, sick of the insanity that surrounded Hanson in their early years, puts out one solo album and retires. He winds up producing on an indi label and lives in virtual solitude.

Zac gets into an abusive relationship with his wife/manager who makes him pose for Playgirl. Known as the black sheep of the family, no one talks to him. He becomes friends with Geraldo Rivera and appears frequently on his CNBC night time talk show.

The Partridge Family Future:

Taylor, sick of his heart-throb status, rebels, bearing everything but the inevitable in Rolling Stone. In the article, he uses the F-word and thinks he's cool. Twenty years later, he laments his years as a teen-idol and joins the Las Vegas cast of Starlight Express. He later releases a compilation album of Mmmbop dance mixes. Which he produces.

Isaac tries acting and lands a role on Television's The Practice. He moves to Boston to accommodate the show's locale and falls madly in love with an Emerson College journalism student. He wins an Emmy. They get married and live happily ever after.

Zac moves to LA and becomes a loud-mouthed radio jock. In the next year, he's arrested for DWI, assault and indecent exposure. He gets a daytime talk show, which features show titles such as "My Mom is my Dad" but it's canceled after four episodes. He moves back to Tulsa, sponges off his parents and waits for the Hanson Behind the Music.

The New Kids on the Block Future :

Taylor hangs around Tulsa for three years after Hanson's popularity declines. He hangs out at random clubs, hitting on chicks way younger than him. Finally, he gets off his butt and produces a halfway decent solo album. The album is dropped by his label. Then picked up again. Then dropped again. Then he gets signed by another label. They make him go on tour to promote the album. He opens for JC Chasez, who's promoting his solo album too.

Isaac makes a solo album too, but it's cheesier than Taylor's and no one really buys it. He starts wearing too-tight pleather pants and grows a scuzstashe. He eventually winds up with a cabaret show in downtown Tulsa.

Zac trashes a hotel room, swears a lot and goes shirtless in public. Eventually, after his girlfriend bears their first child, he cleans up his act and gets bit parts in decent movies directed by people like Bruce Willis. Of course, now he's outshined by Mac who has an acting career of his own and is cuter than Zac could ever have hoped to be.