MOELENNIUM:

The Most Important Hanson Happenings of the Millenium
  1. Walker meets Diana
  2. Hanson are born
  3. Hanson harasses Christopher Sabec at that Barbecue/Music Festival thing in Texas. He thinks they're cool and signs them. (I personally think he did it just because he was afraid they wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't. Can you just see it? A thirteen-year-old Taylor follows on his heels all day going "Hey! Hey Mister! Can we sing? Can we? Please? Please?! Huh? Can we?")
  4. Some smart person convinces the Dust Brothers to produce a single for an unknown bunch of kids from Tulsa with a cute song.
  5. Taylor hits puberty
  6. Three words : Paramas Park Mall
  7. Ike, Tay and Zac stop taking dance lessons
  8. Donna Karen starts giving the boys free clothes
  9. Walker scoots the family down to South America. They only item they take with them is a single cassette tape containing Chuck Berry songs. Ah, the stuff of legends.
  10. Taylor pierces an ear, opening the door to hair cutting, sexually suggestive lyrics and God knows what other kinds of debauchery
  11. Ravi get's the boot. Suddenly we all learn the meaning of the word "conjecture"
  12. Hanson introduces us to those other Tulsan boys of summer, Admiral Twin
How Hanson Should Spend New Year's Eve
  1. Sorting their sock drawers
  2. Keeping Tay away from the stereo so he can't play Jennifer Lopez songs, for any reason, no matter how compelled he is to do so.
  3. Three words : Laura's house, and jacuzzi
  4. Anywhere with Jarrod Gollihare is bound to be pretty fun
  5. Strip Trivial Pursuit!
  6. Strip Trivial Pursuit… at Nelson's Buffeteria
  7. On a cruise to Antarctica. Oh wait…
  8. Celebrity Deathmatch : Zac Hanson vs. Dick Clark
  9. Sitting in their house, on the couch, watching the ball drop in Times Square, feeling sad because they wasted another year of their lives, because they don't have someone special to share this important moment with. That's what I'll be doing anyway. Unless the jacuzzi thing works out.
  10. Drinking leftover eggnog
Things We'd Like to See in the Next Millennium
  • A Hanson concept album… The Life of Johnny : An American Saga, or something
  • Hanson needs to win a Grammy. Or maybe even two.
  • Zac needs to come on down and sing some leads.
  • Tay needs to dump those annoying, synthetic sounding, I'm the Musical Director for Your Local Community Theater Group's Production of Camelot keyboards. Be a man and get yourself a piano. I don't care if they're Kurzweil. Steinway. Baldwin. Get a piano.
  • Hanson on the Simpsons. Need I say more?
  • One of them, I don't care who, needs to move to Boston. It can be Ravi even. Anyone.
  • Mac needs to join the band. I'm sorry. It's only logical. Band needs bass player. Band has younger brother. The next possible step would be…
  • So, when is Hanson going to be making a guest appearance on Jonny Lang's album?
  • Another Hanson milk ad. And they need to use the old one as part of a sort of before and after thing. The second picture? All bare shoulders and moody angst ridden stares with the caption, "The benefits of milk. We weren't kidding."
Bottom Line:

The new millennium doesn't start until next year.