Isaac was in the bible. So was Zachary. Taylor wasn't. Jordan was, but he wasn't a person. He was a river. Isaac means "laughing one." Zachary means "remembered by God," but technically, Zachary is derived from Isaac, which means that Ike and Zac have the same name. Taylor means tailor. Tailors make clothes. Am I the only one feeling the irony in that?

Walker means "one who thickens cloth." Walker is Zac's middle name. It's also his Dad's name. But Walker isn't really his Dad's name. Clarke is his Dad's real name. Isaac's real name is Clarke too. Clarke means "scholar." Isaac has yet to go to college. Technically, Walker, Zac and Isaac all have the same name. Zac goes by his real, given first name. Taylor goes by his given middle name. So does Isaac.

Taylor and Jordan are both widely considered unisex names. Ike was a President. So was Zachary Taylor. Zachary Taylor was born in Virginia. So was Zachary Hanson, if you believe the rumors. Clarke is a candy bar. Ike is candy too, with his pal Mike. No one in the Hanson family is named Mike.

Jordan was a guy in the New Kids on the Block. He had a rattail. He eventually cut it off and gave it to his mom. I have no idea who Taylor gave his to. Jordan, the first one, played the piano. So does the second one. James Taylor, on the other hand, plays the guitar. He's also a songwriter, like our Jordan, the second one. James Taylor the songwriting man, married Carly Simon, the songwriting woman. They had a child and named him… Isaac. That would make his name Isaac Taylor, no relation to Zachary Taylor. I don't know if Isaac Taylor was born in Virginia, but I think it's probably a pretty good possibility that he plays the guitar.

Taylor's mom, even though she probably didn't get his rattail, is named Diana. Diana was a goddess. Only in Rome though. In Greece, her name was Artemis. Her name means "the bright one." Mainly considered the guardian of wild beasts, she was also considered a fertility deity, even though she herself was a virgin. Go figure.

In the 80s, the only Zac we knew was a Lego-Maniac. There's that irony thing again.

Hanson is Danish. The country not the pastry. Although I'm sure Hanson collectively enjoy Danish. Or is that Danishes? Is Hanson singular or plural? The name of the band, not the name of the family. Hanson is blond. Hanson are blond. See what I mean. But is that blond or blonde? Depends on who you're talking to I guess, Diana, the guardian of wild beasts or her son Taylor, the tailor.

I wonder if tailors prefer thicker cloth. How exactly does one make cloth thicker? You could ask Walker, (That's either Ike, Zac or the real Walker, take your pick.) maybe he knows. And here's the thing about thicker cloth. Wouldn't you just make it thick to begin with, rather than taking thin cloth and making it thicker? As of recent, Zac is thicker than Taylor.

In Tudor England, do you think the tailor and the walker occasionally worked together? Now that's something to ponder. What if you were a walker and your name was Walker? Or heck, if we're going there, why not a tailor named Taylor? The bible Isaac was the first son of Abraham and Sarah. The Hanson Isaac was the first son of Walker, who is not a walker, he worked in oil, and Diana, keeper of the beasts and whatnot.

And Jordan? Well Jordan means "descending", which doesn't really correspond to anything, other than the action of Taylor's voice over the past couple of years. Jordan, the country, not the river, is one of the world's leading oil producers. So is Oklahoma, but Oklahoma is a state, not a country. But see, you knew that already.

Zachary was a prophet. And a king too. Who do you think made his clothes? Probably tailors. Zachary was the 14th king of Israel. The Jordan River is in Israel and Jordan too of course. Jesus was baptized in the Jordan by a guy named John. The water in the Jordan today is used for hydraulic power and irrigation. Of course, Taylor is a Pisces… but we'll leave that conversation for another day, now won't we?