THE PARTS WE LIKE:
  1. Taylor's Nose: Ok, now was there ever a more flawless structure, manmade or otherwise, placed on this earth? No. I really don't think so. It's bulbous and beautiful and we love it.
  2. Isaac's Hands: Wow. Now I know we just gush all over the place about this one, but it's absolutely true. Flawless. And you think they're wonderful when they're stationary? Put them on a keyboard. You might even pass out.
  3. Zac's Lips: Said it once. Will say it again. Women pay money, big money, to have synthetic materials made by the good people at Dupont injected into their lips to achieve what nature just gave Zac. He's a lucky, lucky boy. And a beautiful one too. So there.
  4. Taylor's Eyes: The only one of the three Hansons to have blue eyes, and man, it was Tay's turn to hit the Genetics Jackpot on this one. Beautiful? Let's try magnificent. As wonderous and vast as the ocean, the sky. People write songs, books, operas, poems about eyes like that.
  5. Taylor's Bum: Ok, so we really wanted to keep it clean for the kids, but there is just no denying that Taylor has a rather attractive posterior end, and I'm certainly not one to overlook a matter of importance such as that one.
  6. Taylor's Mouth: Man, it's amazing how Tay-heavy this list got so quickly. Oh well. The mouth. I mean, it's only the sexiest thing in this galaxy. When the boy talks, do you ever find yourself more entranced by the its shape and the nuance of its movement than the words that happen to be coming out of it? I do.
  7. Isaac's Shoulders: Very true. We've only seen them like twice. Well, bare that is. But don't you even sit there and tell me that you didn't re-wind and continually pause that little piece of Road To Albertane where we are allowed a glimpse of Isaac in a wifebeater. And then there was the bathing suit shot. Oy. I fell down.
  8. Zac's Hair: I am so jealous. I wish mine was that color, that thickness, that length. If I had hair like that, I would grow it to ungodly lengths too.
  9. Isaac's Back: Almost as intoxicating as the shoulders.
  10. Taylor's Ears: They're so rediculously large. Too large for beauty, right? Absolutely not! Silly you! They turn the boy into a veritable Keebler Elf, and that's just adorable, espeically on the Snowed In cover. Snow… elves… you following us? Good.
  11. Isaac's Mouth: It's sort of wide and meandering and makes us happy in a general way.
  12. Zac's Eyes: My, they really are quite pretty, aren't they? They give a tremendous amount of soul to that sweet face. Also, they're dark, so they're sort of unexpected. Zac's eyes are a positive experience.
  13. Taylor's General Pectoral Area: Um, well now… I don't know that a lot of explaining needs to be done regarding this one (two). All I know is that during Live at the 10 Spot, we all questioned why it suddenly got a little warmer in the room about halfway through the show.
  14. Taylor's Eyebrows: Does anyone remember way back when (1989), when they used to pluck Jordan Knight's eyebrows because his were naturally just big and skanky? Anyway, Taylor does not even need to pluck! They're flawless! It astounds me. Their shape is just perfect. I hate him. Seriously.
  15. Isaac's Teeth: Ike has the best, white, pearly, straight, sexy teeth.

Hanson Beauty Theories
  • If I had the ability to produce offspring that beautiful, I'd have nine or ten too.
  • They look like girls: Oh pshaw. That is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard it my life. Really now. Have the people who say these things seen them since the spring of 1997? Have they seen Tay's new, manly, arresting jawline? Or how about Zac's mammoth size? Silly, silly ingornat folk.
  • Ike is ugly: Don't you ever say that in front of me or I will be forced to kill you.
  • Tay is the only really cute one: What are you, nuts? Yes, it is true that the boy does indeed have a rather attractive, charming thing going on there, but take a minute to look at the other two. You will be a happier person for it.
  • Do you think Scott the Bass Player is cute? We do. Anyway…

Bottom Line

Sure we'll keep it to the music. Tomorrow.