1. You mess with Zac, you pay the price.
2. "Pop" is not automatically synonymous with "brainless," "fluffy" or "simplistic."
3. Up until 1998 or so, Madonna was about impact, not music, and she'd probably be the first one to admit that. So shut up.
4. Tough when you're not the prettiest one in the room, huh?
5. Only fools, ignorants and TV personalities walk into a room of Hansons thinking they're going to be the smartest one there.
6. See this boy? His name is Ike. He rambles. Feel free to stop him at any time.
7. These are good, Christian, homeschooled, family-oriented, virginal boys. Please don't pollute them with your showbiz filth.
8. Hanson = Music. You = Television = Ignorance. Don't give Hanson a hard time. They know more about this stuff than you will in your lifetimes. You pithy music novices, you.

1. Two words: ugly shoes.
2. As in all popularity contests, obscurity and expertise are often tossed aside in favor of the cheap and the idiotic.
3. The eternal Taylor dilemma: Too pretty to be legit.
4. It was all downhill from the moment he forgot the title of his number 3 pick. (You could cut the blondness with a knife...)
5. Neil Young is such a dirty, crusty old man, no one was going to touch that one, or consider Taylor's apparent fondness for him for longer than a few seconds.
6. It was that pseudo-Dr. Evil-pinkie-across-the-lip thing that clinched it.

1. The Stranger
2. An Innocent Man
3. Storm Front

1. Ike is a slightly misguided, albeit well meaning dork.
2. Ike roots for the underdog.
3. Ike has issues with the Bodyguard Soundtrack, the 1993 Grammy Awards, the affirmation of hype over quality and the evils of mob mentality and conformity. (Insert indignant shout of approval here)
4. Ike lets his own personal baggage bog down his decision making processes.

1. Who knew the boy could get so passionate over such futile matters? It's sort of disturbingly sexual.
2. Just for the record: Let it be known officially and in print that Rubber Soul is Laura's favorite Beatles album. T'was a triumphant moment for one Hanson webmaster, yes indeed.
3. For all of the John Lennon touting that Isaac does, (I mean come on, he wants to play Twister with him...) Rubber Soul is rather Paul McCartney heavy. Not a criticism. Just an observation.
4. You can't even deny the Call Me Al video, try as you might. That album won lots of Grammys. I'm sure Ike thought this was important.
5. Is it my overactive, wishful thinking imagination or did Isaac say "damn" at one point? Granted, "damn," and its milder, remotely Midwestern-sounding cousin, "dang," do sound remarkably alike. But if so, that would be the first Official Hanson Profanity on record, and would be worthy of some fanfare and ceremony to be sure.

1. Once again, the younger Hanson proves himself to be the most thoughtful, well spoken one of the bunch. Even Paula Schmaula called him a genius, and she's one of the Unenlightened.
2. Ooh... those poor little bandaged fingers. I won't start with "Kiss and make it better" stuff, just in case someone decides to contact the authorities.
3. Nice Michael Jackson impression there, Bucko. (cough) Moving right along...
4. He doesn't cut people off. He keeps the rambling to a minimum. (What? Ike?) He doesn't do strange things with his hands. He giggles. He assaults fools. He's welcome in my home any time.

1. "There are lots of great pop albums that no one's ever heard." -Ike.
   Can't think of a single one of those off the top of my head, no sir.
2. "All of your picks define a generation." -Zac
   Zachary Hanson: Giving stupidity the smackdown, one celebrity at a time.

In fairness to Ashton and Paula, Hanson, when they're together, seem to have the foreboding power of Captain Planet and his Planeteers. Basically, they're rather overpowering as a whole, even if they weren't cheating, which everyone knows they were. You know how they did it. They sat down together. They picked nine albums and each took three. Hence the rather eerily fascist amount of agreement between them. Heartwarming? Yes. A beautiful expression of brotherly love? Sure. But I wouldn't want to play against that team, not on the List or in a game of Trivial Persuit or anywhere else for that matter.

1. Ashton. Knee under the shirt. I mean, Taylor probably didn't even get it...
2. Ashton groping Paula.
3. Paula groping Ashton.
4. Sharon Stone. (Hello? Earth to Isaac...)
5. Michael Jackson. (Worth mentioning twice, if only for shock value.)
6. "You're the only one on the stage I can come onto without being arrested..." Actually hon, Ike is 19, but no matter. We know. He acts young.
7. Kimberly who wants Hanson in her bed... What? Stop looking at me like that...
8. So yeah, Paula thought Hanson was the bee's knees, and undoubtedly thinks she's special because of it. Get in line, lady...