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white elephants and the
12 days of Christmas
December 2001
For all those who celebrate Christmas, I've compiled
a list of things hard-core fans can give unsuspecting family and friends.
These are truly Hanson-related gifts that will bring the most devout fans
satisfaction, knowing that each present pays tribute to their favorite
musicians. While at the same time, these suggestions will avoid repeat
scenes, as in years past, when uncles and cousins already begin to stifle
a "What the--" as a tiny portion of an orange CD case becomes
visible with the initial wrapping paper tear.
So banish all thoughts of Hanson skateboards, subscriptions
to hanson.net or even Billy Joel's Greatest Hits albums for remote relatives
on your Christmas list. Folks, it's time to dig deeper but in so doing
bring even more joy than anticipated to all you deeply care about this
season. These gifts are sure to bamboozle even the most suspicious relative
into believing that your Hanson allegiance has become a distant, deeply
personal past time in your life.
The 12 days of Christmas:
- The Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen
- The Godfather movies on DVD
- An Elmer Fudd floppy ears hunting cap
- Candelabra or nag
champa
- Hometown paperweight
- South American cigars or coupon to a tattoo/piercing
parlor
- Ringo doll
- Digital camera with light filters for dimly lit
spaces
- Candy
- The board game, Risk
- A black and white poster of the physicist, Albert
Einstein
- A subscription to Modern Maturity (Note:
available only to AARP members)
For Mastercard holders, priceless gifts may include:
Motorbikes and/or an all expense paid trip to Bali (Warning: The USA has
issued a travel advisory for Indonesia, but this island is far from the
skirmishes and still remains Paradise on earth . . . army fatigue-wear
for hiking--optional).
White Elephant gifts ideas:
Have you been to any of these parties? The idea is that you right past
wrongs by re-gifting junk that pretty much gathers dust at your house
or you can veer in the direction of gag gifting. Either way, before dispensing
with Hanson-related possibilities, if you've ever wondered about the origins
of the term "white elephant" (An onerous burden that cannot
be dropped), the Dictionary of Word Origins by Jordan Almond provides
this insight:
The allusion is to the story
of an Eastern potenate who, when he wished to impoverish or destroy
a courtier, presented him with one of the court's sacred "white
elephants." The courtier then had to care for the elephant but
could not put it to work--since it was sacred. The ultimate effect was
to reduce the courtier to poverty.
I hope the following suggestions
will not have this effect, but I've always been curious about that term
and thought I'd share.
- A few cans of silly string
(lighten your stash as Hanson seems to have moved on and maybe you should
too)
- Yucky-tasting candy that
looks delicious to gullible acquaintances
- Inflatable Shamu
A gift for fellow
Hanson fans:
There's still always a subscription to HTP.
I just received the latest edition and it remains worth your investigation
in my opinion. My strongest reaction, ironically, is that as writers bemoan
the so-called "Hanson Drought" I find it cozy and reassuring.
Call me exclusive, but I somehow enjoy these "we know who our true
friends are" periods in the Hanson album timeline. Since
I'm not personally acquainted with famous people, I can only imagine what
it must be like to share them with the public . . . this waiting time
gives me a false sense that Hanson's public overtures are aimed more directly
at a people whom they have grown to appreciate rather than simply targeting
a TRL crowd who gathers out of curiosity.
Then there are the times I feel like a kindergarten
teacher, a person remembered fondly but whose investment in your life
appears to grow more and more remote with each passing year. Even proclamations
of love sound overly nostalgic and seem drenched with an "in love
with being in love" sensation. Nonetheless, my regards to HTP staff,
contributors . . . and most of all Hanson! Our love is forever and a day!
(See what I mean? (c;)
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