gimme five
May 2002
Five years of Hanson . . . I've decided to generate lists of five to commemorate the band's notable anniversary.

everything i needed to know, i learned from a hanson video . . .
5. Avoid trains on "Identical Twin" days--because being too similar to another person is actually, eerie to the commuters around you.
4. Rollerblading without a helmet is always a ton of fun, until somebody crashes into you and you both fall.
3. When you begin to glow in the middle of a melancholy slow-moving crowd, ironically, you are rendered invisible.
2. MTV video producers will not take the time to explain subtle Freudian symbolism to 11, 13 and 16 year-olds.
1. If you ever get caught shrunken in a pansy patch, left alone in a shadowy abandoned building, beneath a floating corpse, swimming through the New York subway system or in a bizarre revolving room, on a ship with a Titanic survivor, attending a rave in a gothic hotel, stranded atop an RV with no water for miles . . . stick close to your siblings, keep singing (roast a few Twinkies) and you'll make it through somehow.

hansonpoloy: a few houses on marvin gardens
Note: I was tempted to title this "hanson's attempted bat signals" but that just seemed wrong.

5. $100 Hanson skateboards
4. Melrose Place, Buddy Faro, Noah Knows Best
3. Hanson ID frame
2. Jack Frost and Princess Diary soundtracks
1. HansonWorlds VIP subscription

concert poster concepts unworthy of neon tagboard or marker ink
Note: This genre is pretty kitschy so I almost feel like the target is just way too easy . . .

5. Teen 'zine poster collage
4. Song title as personal message to the band (Example: the ubiquitous "Where's the Love")
3. "Hason Rules" or other spell-check snafus
2. Any poster held up directly in front of you
1. "MMMBop" used as a verb

runner-up: "Hanson are sexy"

it's all about the MU-sic!
5. Seven Hanson siblings who frequently travel together with parents in tow / Magazine covers with grandma
4. Open appreciation for fried chicken
3. Hanson lip gloss, fruit snacks and action figures STILL unavailable
2. Really keeping track of and taking turns being the one to sit right next to talk show hosts
1. Albums that follow the rule of good wine--aged to perfection

evolutions
5. "Aerosmith to En Vogue" -> industry contacts
4. MTV Movie Award presenter punchline -> boy band O.G.s
3. Paramus Park Mauling -> Miles Copeland songwriting boot camp
2. Braids, braces and 'blades -> Sundance, SXSW, Spagos
1. A white Ford Econoline van with Walker at the wheel -> a white Ford Econoline van with Zac at the wheel

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