amazing grace

jonathan kozol

amazing grace:
the lives of children and the conscience of a nation

"The rich should beg the poor to forgive us for the bread we bring them."
— Vincent de Paul

And I saw a new heaven and new earth,
for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away . . .
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold . . .
I make all things new.
— Revelations, 21

(The family with a couple of close friends have just come back from helping out at local food banks. They had split up into "teams" to cover three different places.)

Mrs. Hanson: Did you guys end up eating already? (She sets Zoë down and immediately the baby is scooped up by one of her siblings.) They insisted Ike, Jessie and I eat with them.

Jessica: I felt funny taking their food, you know? But, I think they really wanted us to. Zoë was a star -- eating a huge piece of chocolate cake. (Speaking to her sister is a baby voice.) You made a mess, didn't you? But everybody loved it!

Isaac: All that food they cooked? Now, that was serious food!

Avery: (Grinning her lost tooth smile.) I'm so glad Dr. Food asked us to help him feed the homeless today. (She has a lisp from the spaces between her teeth.)

Zac: I've never seen a nun in a flannel shirt before. That was cool! She was laughing because Ash was making me do mental math on the recipes. "If you need 1/3 a cup to serve 12 people — how much to serve 144 people . . . ?"

Isaac: This experience puts your own life in perspective.

Taylor: You just realize that, that could be YOU! I mean, what separates us from them, you know?

Avery: Josh saw someone he knew.

Josh: (Shaking his head) Yeah, that was kind of awkward. I'm pretty sure this guy was the dad of one of the people I graduated with. He looked away when I asked if he wanted gravy for his mashed potatoes so . . . I can't be sure.

Taylor: But the point is . . . he COULD'VE been . . .

Josh: Exactly.

Mackie: (He's been racing across the floor on the back of a huge play fire engine. He pauses.) Oscar, this kid I met, likes cheeseburgers just the same way I do. NO onions! NO pickles! LOTS of ketchup!

Zac: Mac, Oscar seems cool.

Ashley: Mackie met a new friend.

Mackie: He has a pipe.

Ashley: Oscar needs an inhaler to breathe.

Mrs. Hanson: I saw a lot of children with inhalers . . . that concerns me.

Mr. Hanson: When I spoke with the director before we went, she told me a lot of people she knows have asthma and have to rush to the emergency room at all hours, barely able to breathe. But that's only part of it. Many are also infected with AIDS, but people are afraid to talk about that.

Isaac: Whoa! I don't think I know one person with asthma or AIDS. It's just so weird to see people lining up for food. I mean, food? I've lined up for rides at parks, but for something to eat . . . (shivers)

Taylor: You know, we meet strangers all the time, but for me this was different. I really wondered what they thought about us being there. Not nervous, like a show day, but just . . . it's hard to describe.

Avery: I heard some girls, after Taylor served them, talking about how they could probably save their plates and sell them to some crazy fans for $100 or something.

(Everyone is silent.)

Mr. Hanson: It's not just a financial thing, but that's part of it.

Mrs. Hanson: It's about taking people seriously. About noticing.

Josh: When their night is dark and stormy? (Sheepishly looks around.)

Taylor: (Agreeing) No, that might sound sappy, but it's the truth.

Isaac: It's the truth, yeah. Are we going to take the lyrics of that song seriously? Because some people truly have no light to guide them and no one to walk beside them.

Mrs. Hanson: A society is only as strong as its ability to care for its weakest members.

Jessica: Mommy, what does that mean?

(The phone rings.)

Mr. Hanson: Hello? . . . Oh . . . yeah . . . (Looks at Zac.) Umhmmm . . . Hang on, let me check. (Speaking to his son.) Zac, did you leave a baseball cap at the mission today?

Zac: (Feeling his head.) I guess I did. It was so freakin' hot in the kitchen, I had to take it off. I musta' forgot about it.

Mr. Hanson: (Back on the phone.) Sure, we'll be back sometime today. Thanks for calling. (Hangs up.) Oh, and Zac? Sister Linda says that it's 48 cups . . . 1/3 of 144 is 48. (They both chuckle.) Boy, they sure didn't have to call us about the hat.

Ashley: People pick up your snotty tissues and keep them, for God's sake. The food bank people could easily have kept your sweaty old hat . . . Zac. (Teasing)

Taylor: Ash . . . (Puts his arms up to block the image.) Oh no . . . please don't remind us of that . . .

Isaac: Yeah, that's disgusting!

Mrs. Hanson: Jessie, to answer your question, we're all responsible to do our part to help the children and people who are too weak to help themselves. When we start to neglect that, our society will begin to die.

Avery: (Fearful) You mean, we're going to die if we don't help people?

Mr. Hanson: Not really. It just means, when we stop caring about other people, then we stop seeing the best part of being alive. We don't die, we just don't really LIVE. When we open our hearts to love other people, that's when we see how beautiful our life is. Does that make sense, sweetie?

Avery: (Thinks for a minute.) Daddy, could you wait a minute before you go back to get Zac's hat? (Before he can answer) Jessie and Mac, come with me a second . . . I want to show you something (Mackie hops off his truck to follow his sisters. Jessica carries baby Zoë with them.)

Isaac: You see these places . . . you drive by them . . . and you don't stop and think about what it must be like to live there. You don't want to think about it.

Taylor: There's this eerie . . . this dead-end-ish feeling. It's such a relief to just leave . . . but for some people it's not that easy.

Mrs. Hanson: Your father and I wondered if it would be safe to have you guys go, but then it hit us, other people's children live there . . . every day! A place that ugly and scary . . . children are growing up there. Did you see the hard liquor and tobacco billboards everywhere? It's like, "Kids, here's your future!" The dirty needles in the street -- that's only part of it. That we don't think about them . . . that's also ugly and scary.

Taylor: I think people avoid helping because once you start to do something, you realize how HUGE the problem is.

Isaac: It's like, "Oh my God, what can I do?" At the same time . . . (Taylor starts to nod in agreement.) . . . a song that is less than five minutes long has taken us places we never thought possible. It's like we have no excuses . . .

Zac: (He has seemed distracted, but joins the discussion with a comment that proves he has been following every word.) It would be crazy for us to say, "That's impossible! Nobody listens anyway." That would be . . . a lie.

Taylor: Like we've said about our position, "It has nothing to do with us personally" -- That actually applies to other people as well. People who go to food kitchens -- it's not for us to judge. Especially the kids, they're not guilty of anything -- just like having an album doesn't make you a god. But at the same time, when your position gives you access to helping people -- that's an honor.

Isaac: A privilege, you can accept or deny.

Mr. Hanson: Never lose sight of that guys. Well said, all of you!

Zac: This kid was telling me his brother got shot last Halloween. He was just goofing around with his friends. Man, his brother . . . that's deep. That's so . . . out there! I don't know anyone who's been killed like that.

Josh: You can read about kids who run away from home or who have been raped or who run away because they've been raped, but then you meet people who've lived it . . . and you have to ask yourself, "What would I have done in that situation?"

Isaac: Even something as simple as this man telling me that he has been eating cold oatmeal all week until he finally came down for some hot food . . . You can't just say, "Oh, yeah, homelessness . . . that's too bad." When you meet people, you have to respond! But how?

Mr. Hanson: Zac, something you said on the way home stuck with me. You asked, "What's the shortest verse in the Bible?"

Zac: Oh yeah. "Jesus wept."

Mrs. Hanson: Jesus wept. There's your answer, Ike.

Isaac: That was in the book we read about the lives of very poor children living in the South Bronx. The book raises the same questions we're talking about right now, actually. It was Amazing Grace, by Jonathan Kozol.

(Taylor and Josh exchange glances and grin.)

Josh: One of the little girls talked to Avery and asked her if we would sing for them after the meal. This girl was just so sweet and shy about it . . .

Taylor: How could we say "no?" Ike, that book was incredible!! It's funny, we sang, "Amazing Grace." Tulsa isn't exactly the South Bronx, but the message of the book is for everywhere.

Isaac: Tay do you remember the part when that girl our age describes how she feels about living? She said it was something " . . . like being 'hidden.' It's as if you have been put in a garage where, if they don't have room for something but aren't sure if they should throw it out, they put it there where they don't need to think of it again." That still haunts me.

Taylor: We can't know what that's like, but it's definitely not right.

Josh: We had a lot of people join in on the last chorus when we sang the song:

        Through many dangers, toils and snares,
        I have already come.
        'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
        And grace will lead me home.

By the way, Walker and Diana, Avie's quite the little performer. Have you ever thought about . . .? (He speaks with amusement in his eyes.)

Isaac, Taylor and Zac: Not you?

Zac: (Goofy) We already told you, if anybody asks us that question again, we were going to have to kill them!

Josh: I'm just saying . . . (Clearing his throat, he speaks under his breath . . . ) Janet Jackson.

Isaac: Excuse me? Did you just say Janet Jackson? I thought I just heard you say that. Isn't Zoë, technically more like Janet than Avery?

Taylor: Let's just put an end to this discussion right now . . . (Makes chopping motion with his hands, chuckling.)

Mr. Hanson: Did you know that "Amazing Grace" was originally written by a slave owner shortly after a conversion experience? That proves how grace is available for anybody!

(Everybody looks up as the girls and Mackie return, lugging huge Tupperware toy containers behind them. Zoë rides inside Jessica's box.)

Mrs. Hanson: (Surprised) Girls, what's this?

Jessica: We know we've been saving some things for Zoë, but we found some clothes and other stuff that we want to bring to the kids we met today. It was Avie's idea. We can go back when Daddy gets Zac's hat.

(The girls look at Mackie.)

Avie: Mac said he wanted to give something too.

Mackie: O-kay. I want to give my fire truck to Oscar. (He goes over and puts it in one of the girls' boxes.)

Mr. Hanson: (Grave tone) Buddy, that's a big gift! Are you sure you want to do that?

Mackie: Oscar shared his french fries with me today. He told me, "Jesus told me to share."

Mrs. Hanson: Come here you three! (She hugs and kisses each of them, one at a time -- after brushing a tear from her cheek.) I am so proud of you!

Mr. Hanson: Zac, let's go get your hat! Whoever wants to come with . .. the van's leaving in FIVE. (He winks at his wife when she turns to look at him in disbelief.)

Isaac: (Addressing his sisters) Hey, you guys are unbelievable!

Zac: Yeah, you guys ROCK!

Taylor: Hey, my birthday is coming up, I think I know what the best gift from the fans would be, but how could we . . . ? (His voice drifts off as he considers his idea.)

Note: Amazing Grace by Jonathan Kozol has changed my life dramatically. I can't tell you how highly I recommend it! It is nearly impossible to read it without asking yourself some life-altering questions.

A huge thanks to Karen for reminding me of the value of this book and suggesting it as a book discussion! You're the best!

The following is a poem I wrote in response to the book:

        Jesus wept.
        The shortest verse.
        The lives of children
        In Mott Haven* are cursed.
        He knows their tears,
        He wept first.
        How long?

Do I?

*Mott Haven is a section of the South Bronx. in New York City

[ Home ] [ Up ] [ to kill a mockingbird ] [ of mice and men ] [ the outsiders ] [ a separate peace ] [ anne frank: diary of a young girl ] [ wuthering heights ] [ the merchant of venice ] [ atlas shrugged ] [ amazing grace ] [ the scarlet letter ]